Psalm 139:1-12
You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. Psalm 139:1-12 (NIV)
I hope that none of you have ever been where I have been. I really, truly hope that.
I was in a place where I did not believe a word of this psalm. If you told me that God was there for me and would keep the darkness from engulfing me, there is absolutely no way I would have believed you. Absolutely no way. No loving God would have allowed me to fall so far and experience and endure so much pain. No true God would have abandoned me. I didn’t flee from God. Or even stray a little. I was a faithful servant that loved God and loved others and was trying my best to follow Jesus and what He taught us. Yet, I wound up in the darkness, questioning not only whether God still loved me, but whether He was there at all. Or if He even existed.
I truly had no one to turn to for help and nowhere to go. I had no hope. I was in a dark place (literally and physically), and I had no idea what to do next. Absolutely none. I was at my lowest point.
But then came one of those subtle nudges from the Holy Spirit.
That particular nudge led me back to Lincoln. I could have gone anywhere. But I came back to Lincoln. Back to Southwood. Back to the God that I felt had abandoned me and left me in a deep dark place. But back to a place where there were brothers and sisters in Christ that would love me and walk with me. And, as it turns out, some that had been praying for me all along. The love of God working through the Holy Spirit and through fellow Christians.
But this devotion is not about me.
I am simply speaking to the total truth of this passage from having been on the other side. The dark side. Looking for and yearning for a God that knows my true heart and intention and shows me love and grace. At Southwood, I have found that God along with a loving church and a loving family. A God of light that is everything this Psalm conveys. In fact, there’s no way I could ever ask for anything more.
Now it’s my turn to give back.
Thanks be to God!
Questions for Reflection:
- Have you ever doubted God?
- Or thought that He had abandoned you?
- If so, what did you do?
- Have you received a nudge from the Holy Spirit? If so, what did you do next?
Prayer:
Heavenly Father, please help us to look to you for the guidance, inspiration, love and hope that we seek. Help us as well to truly appreciate your gifts of love, grace and your Son, Jesus. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
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